People who decry superficiality don’t realize how unbearable life would be without it. It’s the only thing that makes life almost tolerable.
For example, when somebody asks how I’m doing.
“I’m doing well,” I respond, knowing full well what my therapist would say otherwise. Then I inquire out of social obligation, “How are you?”
He/she inevitably responds “I’m good.” Occasionally you get the I-think-I’m-funnier-than-I-am type who responds “better than I deserve” or “I could complain but nobody would listen anyway.” You muster a chuckle bearing the same level of sincerity as their reply.
We both know the other is lying. And we are thrilled about it. We move on without being burdened by others’ problems when we are struggling to deal with our own.
The alternative, of course, is the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. But that’s just exhausting. Truth has its place, to be sure. Truth has no place in casual, meaningless conversation, however.
Can you imagine if it did?
“Hey Bob, how you doin’?”
“Not so good. I just switched depression medication and it’s giving me diarrhea. My wife can’t keep up with the laundry and I’ve been wearing this underwear since yesterday. Also, my aunt was just diagnosed with cancer.”
“That’s terrible, Bob,” I reply. “Please tell your aunt I’m sorry I asked.”
The truth in trivial conversation can go beyond annoying and can venture into treacherous territory. Like when your wife asks if you if you think her friend is pretty. The friend can be Victoria’s Secret model material and the only acceptable response is:
“Is that the one with the big forehead? Because I can’t get past wondering if I could project a movie of that dome. Haven’t noticed anything else.”
Or, if your significant other asks if you like her new haircut. You just say yes. Because the truth—no, but I like the idea of acting like you’re a different woman—gets you the silent treatment for forty-eight hours. And then once it’s over you have to lie about how much you missed hearing her discuss every excruciating detail about her day.
There are, however, people that would say lying is never ok and that they won’t do it under any circumstances. These are typically people who have never had a dentist ask how often they floss.
My position is a little more nuanced. As a general rule, telling the truth is a good thing. There are times, though, when society is better served when we lie as though we are serving in the Trump Administration.
I’d be lying if I told you otherwise.
