You know you are reading a good book when you can’t help but bring up thoughts and ideas from the
book repeatedly in your everyday conversations. That happened to me after—on the recommendation
of a good friend—I picked up Arthur Brooks’ book, Love Your Enemies: How Decent People Can Save
America From the Culture of Contempt.
Don’t be deterred by the title. It is not as touchy-feely as it sounds. The message is not simply, “Love
your enemies, because it’s the right thing to do.” Brooks articulates, among other great assertions, that
there are self-interested reasons to love your enemies. He posits, “…contempt makes you unhappy,
unhealthy, and unattractive to even those that agree with you. Contempt will wreck your relationships
and harm your health. It is a dangerous vice like smoking or drinking too much.”
I have seen this play out with friends who get so riled up over a nonsensical political post on social
media to the point that can affect their sleep and their relationships. Of course, we have all likely gotten
bent out of shape by something that someone else has said or done. So, Love Your Enemies can offer
useful insights for all of us as we try and navigate this weird time we’re in.
Brooks’ book is also entertaining. He refers frequently to the 2016 political campaign and how that
masterpiece of “eye-rolling, sarcasm, and sneering derision” (from both sides) was a prime example of
actions and attitudes that impede productive dialogue. Brooks’ thoughts and data support some
interesting explanations on how and why Donald Trump was elected in 2016, and why even people who
hated him still thought he was necessary.
Another one of his chapters is an excellent essay on the importance of focusing on our shared humanity.
He suggests that bringing people together only to emphasize our differences can be toxic. True
leadership, he asserts, will require bringing people together and focusing on our commonalities.
He talks a lot about competition throughout the book. As a highly competitive person, this framework
resonated with me. One of my favorite passages from the book states:
“We all want a safer, fairer, more prosperous country. We just disagree on how to achieve that
aim. We need a passionate competition of ideas so that each side refines its solutions, becomes
more innovative, and therefore the best ideas rise to the top. Shutting down the competition of
ideas makes it harder to achieve our common moral goals.”
For me, a successful book of this type always ends with actual suggestions on how to improve the
problems described. Brooks won me over with his summation of how we can truly achieve progress by
loving our enemies. I won’t recount it for you here because I hope you’ll take the time to read the book
and internalize Brooks’ plan to erase our current culture of contempt and get back to a productive,
respectful, and critical discussion of imperative ideas and policy.
